luchog: (ratty)
Not like anyone cares, since I never post here anymore anyway, but with everything else that's been going on with the Russian control of Livejournal, I've finally made the move to Dreamwidth, and will probably be deleting this account soon if I remember to do so.


Jul. 8th, 2016 07:02 pm
luchog: (ratty)
Having no one anywhere in my life who is interested in anything I have to say, anything I am thinking or feeling.

Having no one in my life who doesn't tell me I'm wrong about everything, who doesn't tell me that what I think or feel is not valid, is not real, is not true.

Having no one I can talk to when I am having a hard time, because no one wants to hear anything bad.

Having a major anxiety, verging on panic, attack; and nothing at all I can do about it.

I feel very alone.


Feb. 2nd, 2013 09:26 pm
luchog: (ratty)
Just got back from Belgianfest, WABL's Belgian Ale festival.

I drank way too much, but it was so worth it. So much tastybeer. And I can't stand up right now.
luchog: (ratty)
And yet another year reminds my why I hate holidays, and why Christmas is right at the top of my "fuck this shit" list. People can't be happy with just having some extra time to spend with their families and loved ones; they have to work themselves into fits of depression and anxiety, not to mention unnecessary debt, to meet some bullshit, materialist, assumed social obligations.

Wake when it's New Years and socially acceptable to get shit-faced drunk.
luchog: (Default)
Last night deadrose and I went to see the restored Metropolis at the Cinerama. That was one of the top 5 most amazing cinema experiences I have ever had. There is simply no way to describe sitting there watching Fritz Lang's classic, restored to nearly his original vision. With the original score and sound effects performed live by a 3-piece ensemble.

Some of the restored footage was from a 16mm print recently discovered in Buenos Aries; and the quality is pretty bad; but it's still sufficient to provide the full story, and at least get a glimpse of what the complete film must have been like. I certainly wouldn't complain about it. Especially not after seeing it on the Cinerama's massive screen. It was truly breathtaking, and my inner film geek was riding high all night. Still is, actually. I've seen the previous restoration attempts, but was never able to really appreciate them, for various reasons, mainly the lack of coherence. Being able to see the entire story, complete, I gained a profound appreciation for a film which, although looking dated, has not lost one bit of its power.

It's playing again today at 12:30pm, and I cannot insist strongly enough that anyone who has not yet seen it make every possible effort to do so. (I'm looking at you keightmonster.)

This is something I must own on Blu-Ray; even though I know that watching it at home will never be able to fully replicate that experience.
luchog: (Default)
Sitting at work today, staring idly out the window, I saw a red-tailed hawk fly past and perch in a tree a short distance away. It just sat there chillin' for a while; until some crows came by and chased it off.
luchog: (Default)
Thanks to [ profile] deadrose and Seattle Freecycle, we now have a classic Durst A600 enlarger and huge pile of gear. The enlarger and accessories alone would cost around $1500 all on their own to pick up used on eBay or other; not including the digital timer and all the other darkroom gear that came with it. Clearly used, but still in great condition, if a bit dusty. Have just about everything I need to set up a darkroom at home. All I need now is chemistry and paper (still have some of the my old stuff, but I doubt it's worth anything anymore). And the best bit is that there's a place in Europe that's reproducing some of the best classic films and chemistry, the stuff I depended on when I was still an art student spending 6-10 hours a day in the lab.

Oooooooo, this is going to be fun.
luchog: (Default)
Leshana Tova Tikoseiv Vesichoseim
luchog: (Default)
Due to some strange occurrences recently, I've had a bit of time to think back and reflect on my life and how I've lived it up to this point. The thing that hit me hardest is just how many people I've hurt, whether through thoughtlessness or selfishness. People I should have been a better friend to, a better example for. I wish that I could find a way that to make up for all the pain and damage that I've caused; but I know that's probably not possible. If I've hurt you in any way; I am sorry, and I hope that life provides me the opportunity to make some sort of reparations for all that I've done. Some of you in particular I've been particularly vile to, taken advantage of; because I've spent so much of my life thinking with my genitals instead of my brain. There is so much I wish I could take back, do over, make as if it never happened. But I can't, and I don't know any way to fix what I've broken.

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say or do.
luchog: (Default)
Warning: Gamer geeking, Warhammer 40,000 style ahead...

Just picked up the new Dark Eldar codex. Holy fuck. I did not need something new to spend my money on; but damn! They really did a good job with these. The updated version is far less Heavy Metal and far more Clive Barker. Like something right out of Hellraiser or "Tortured Souls". Jes Goodwin is absolutely brilliant. Both the sculpting and the writing are incredibly well done. This is what the Dark Eldar should have been all along. The update was far too long in coming; but was well worth the wait. After getting turned off of them because of all the bullshit they've been pulling in the last few years, this is renewing my appreciation for Games Workshop. I really don't need to start working on a third army; but I cannot pass up these guys.
luchog: (Default)
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Luke 2:8-14 KJV
luchog: (Default)
For you fellow metalheads: [ profile] metal_community
luchog: (Default)
Although I got an offer for a job yesterday, I had this one lined up already, and wanted some alternatives available.

The interview seemed to go very well, but the job was less... interesting than I had hoped. Less technical work, more customer support, and a lot of proprietary software, not a lot that would be portable to a new position, aside from Javascript experience, and I don't know how much of that I'll get. It also might require a pay cut, which the other job doesn't.

I don't like the idea of working another limited-term contract; but I am feeling a lot better about the job itself, particularly since it will give me more opportunity to improve and extend my technical skills. Not looking forward to starting the job hunt again this time next year; but I'll be in a better place for it when I do.
luchog: (Default)
I had my in-person interview for a Build Engineer position at the Evil Empire this afternoon; and had an offer a few hours after I got home. Not my first choice, since it's only a 1-year contract; but a good place to improve my tech skills. Plus, I'll be making a little more than at my previous job, with full benefits. I still have to do the paperwork and background check and all that nonsense, so it'll be another week or so before I actually start.

In the meantime, I have another interview tomorrow, for my second-choice job. FTE and better commute (Fremont instead of Redmond), but doesn't look like it will be as technically useful (not as much opportunity to learn new skills), and IIRC it doesn't pay quite as well. But I'd like to have the option on the table anyway.

My first-choice job appears to have been put on hold for an indeterminate amount of time. I can't seem to get a reply from the recruiter about a timeline; so I'm pretty much writing that one off. Best pay and best learning opportunity; but a hell of a commute, and still up in the air.

In any case, I am definitely employed again!!!
luchog: (Default)
What a shitty time to be unemployed. I'd give anything to be able to do this:

70000 Tons of Metal Cruise

The massive lineup includes Korpiklaani, Tyr, Death Angel, Epica, and Moonspell; among many other great Death/Folk/Doom Metal.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I really want to go this. But I don't have anywhere near the $3000 I would need. Fuck. Anyone want to buy a kidney or other internal organ? I can get you as many as you want (not mine, I need those).
luchog: (Default)
Yet another example of why the anti-vaccination movement is not "cautious", "skeptical" or simply an "alternative" to mainstream, evidence-based medicine; but is pure, unadulterated evil. It is nothing but enshrined ignorance, and is entirely based on falsified research -- aka a deliberate fraud. It is increasingly resulting in unnecessary and easily preventable deaths; particularly among those who cannot be vaccinated, and rely entirely on herd immunity for their protection.

CNN Health: 10 infants dead in California whooping cough outbreak

(CNN) -- Whooping cough, also known as pertussis, has claimed the 10th victim in California, in what health officials are calling the worst outbreak in 60 years.

Since the beginning of the year, 5,978 confirmed, probable and suspected cases of the disease have been reported in California.

All of the deaths occurred in infants under the age of 3 months, says Michael Sicilia, a spokesman for the California Department of Public Health. Nine were younger than 8 weeks old, which means they were too young to have been vaccinated against this highly contagious bacterial disease.

"This is a preventable disease," says Sicilia, because there is a vaccine for whooping cough to protect those coming in contact with infants, and thereby protect the infants.

However, some parents are choosing to not vaccinate their children. In other cases, previously vaccinated children and adults may have lost their immunity because the vaccine has worn off.


Sicilia says California Health Department epidemiologists estimate 50 percent of the children who have gotten sick were infected by their parents or caregivers.

According to the recommended vaccine schedule for infants, newborns don't get their first pertussis vaccine until they are 2 months old, leaving them vulnerable to infection until then if the people surrounding them are infected.
luchog: (Default)
Especially in this market. There just doesn't seem to be a lot out there for people without highly focussed and specialized skillsets.
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